I have always had a plan for my life, even if there were different routes I could take I still thought about every possibility. Unfortunately, I never thought that I’d end up here. Five years of hard work, stress, and exhaustion and I fail right before the finish line. I know that everyone has their struggles, but I’ve tried to hide mine so well that I was too stubborn to ask for help.
I feel like I’m at the bottom of a dark pit, where the dirt crumbles when I try to grab onto the wall to pull my way out. I’ve always had a way out of these things until now. There’s no rope or ladder to easily climb or even a couple of tree roots to grab a hold of to get out the hard way. This time there’s nothing but dirt and darkness.
It’s terrifying having to start from scratch. The feeling of deep sadness and regret well up and consume you and it only gets worse when the guilt of letting those who supported you weighs you down. It’s an awful feeling.
For now, I’m still sitting in this deep, dark hole. Maybe one day soon, a light will shine down here and hope might return.